Desmond Was A Disgruntled Elf
Desmond was a disgruntled elf.
He grumbled, “Santa better watch himself.”
He treats me like a worthless jerk
But I’m the one who does the work.
Bang, bang, bang… make all the toys…
He really doesn’t like little girls and boys!
Toy guns and drums and candy canes…
But his captive elves are kept in chains.
And when Santa gets in a real bad mood,
He’ll refuse to fill our bowls with food.
You’ve all heard of his eight reindeer…
But what about Santa’s reign of fear?
He makes the elves all call him mister
And oooh what Santa did to my sister!
As for his jolly ho-ho-ho…
That’s just a wine bottle’s after-glow.
We poor elves lead miserable lives…
Oh yeah… Santa has three wives.
And… um… now, let me see…
Oh dear God… he’s looking at me!!
Please remember everything you’ve heard…
And if I disappear… you spread the word.
Help!
End