Santa’s Gonna Take This Year Off
Santa’s gonna take this year off.
He’s got the sniffles. He’s got a cough.
The other night, he slipped and fell.
No… Santa’s not feeling very well.
He’s constipated and feeling grumpy.
The back of his head is awful lumpy.
There’s a constant ringing in his ears
And he’s got the fever you catch from deer.
Santa’s got a nose that’s runny.
(On Christmas Eve, that ain’t funny.)
His nagging hernia’s been acting up…
And the doctor wants his pee in a cup.
He has a stomach that’s in a spasm.
You’ve heard of shingles… well, Santa has ‘em.
His throat is as red as Rudolph’s nose.
He’s all fatigued and boy… it shows.
Last week he closed his North Pole workshop.
Everyone was fired and all the work stopped.
(What a present, right at Christmas time…
A frosty spot in unemployment’s line.)
Sometimes folks gotta help themselves.
That thought goes double for Santa’s elves.
Christmas may come but Santa will not.
His feet are cold and his head is hot.
Friends, tuck away your Christmas trees.
Santa’s just gonna sit and sneeze.
Put a hold on your holiday cheer
Cause Santa’s won’t be ‘round this year.
Santa’s laid up and taking his pills.
(This year mommy will swallow the bills.)
As for the children, some may weep…
Cause they won’t have any toys to keep.
But others may discover what they truly need
And think of their fellows instead of their greed.
They’ll enjoy their health and the love of their mothers
And instead of whining, they’ll play with their brothers.
Getting by without Santa’s gonna be hard…
If you have a chance, try to send a card.
Close your note with: Love, Betty or Jimmy
But for once in your lives…
Leave out the gimmme-gimme.
End