Willie Won’t Be Having Christmas This Year
Willie won’t be having Christmas this year,
It’s a sad, sad story but it’s true, I fear.
Soon Willie will learn how very bad
It was to make Santa Claus mad.
Willie was always an awful child
But as he grew, he became more wild.
In case there’s something you have missed,
Here are highlights from a very long list:
Willie lit our fluffy little kitten on fire
And punctured three of dad’s new tires.
He smashed all of mom’s brand new dishes
And flushed away Danielle’s goldfishes.
Willie sprinkled all of our clothes with bleach
And put the toilet paper outta Grandma’s reach.
He took apart our television clicker
And watered down Grandpa’s good corn liquor.
Willie liked to pinch the soft, pink babies
And he tried to give ole Spot the rabies.
He glued together Dad’s brand new sneakers
And then blew out our stereo speakers.
Willie made Melissa eat a crawly bug
And spilled black ink on our white wool rug.
He broke the new refrigerator’s door
And made a “dookie” on our kitchen floor.
Willie used paint to write bad curses
And liked to steal from ladies’ purses.
He dialed 911 to make fake phone calls
And ran naked through his school’s halls.
No, Willie won’t be doing “the Christmas thing”.
He’s someone Santa won’t be visiting.
Instead, Santa’s come up with a special plan…
A one-way ticket to Pakistan.
Santa’s gonna give Willie a surprise plane ride
To the land where all of the terrorists hide.
Then he can crawl into a hole
And have his own party…
Courtesy of Santa and the North Pole.
End