Yesterday a good friend of mine, let’s call her M.S., was over our house. Out of the blue, she says, “What terrible thing ever happened to you as a child? All of your poems about Christmas are so dark and macabre. They’re so sad and disturbing”
In order to make her feel better, by showing that there still remains a bright ember of goodness and faith in humanity, I’m composing the following, in real time. It comes right from the heart.
Holiday Happiness
Every night I go to sleep well fed…
Woke up this morning, guess I’m not dead.
End
Now… getting back to business…
Santa’s Moving
Santa’s moving from the cold North Pole
And heading down south to sunny Mexico.
It seems that Mrs. Claus has achy knees
And yearns for a warm and tropical breeze.
It’s not just going where the sun is warm
Or getting away from the cold snow storms…
Rudolph’s bright nose doesn’t shine so red
And inflation’s caused a great overhead.
The elves have joined the Leprechaun Union…
And Santa’s heard that they’re gonna sue him.
It’s a time saving, cost cutting, clever solution
To move to where people don’t mind pollution.
Children workers are as good as elves…
Small and helpless, they can’t defend themselves.
They’ll work long hours, weekends and holidays too
And then get paid pennies, when they are through.
If Miguel gets injured and Jose gets sick,
Santa will make sure to sack them, quick…
‘Cause there’s no insurance at the Santa Works,
Where employees are offered no medical perks.
Santa will get rid of his worries and tensions…
‘Cause Mexicans don’t ask for retirement pensions.
(Those worried about their financial order,
Have already slipped through our porous border.)
Santa’s plan is to “go poof”… just vanish.
That’s why the Clauses are both learning Spanish.
G’bye antlers and swishy tails…
Oh yeah…
Don’t miss next month’s venison sale.
Bye-bye… bon appetite!
End